Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Sometimes i doubt whether i'm a good enough sister. I have a wonderful erjie who is so efficient. She knows so many things. Whereas i'm a sister who just loves to get hugs and give hugs. I'm not smart, i am practically quite a dumb person.
'sister'-my meimei. My other two older sisters i call them dajie and erjie.
I try to show that i care for my sister by talking to her and well through other small actions. But, she always seem so uninterested in talking to me, or her attitude just sucks. Someone is trying to be nice to her, asking her, for eg, how as your day? and she starts off with this stupid tone, this i-am-not-interested-to-talk-to-you tone and just shrug it off.
She can be nice, very nice. But usually, she just acts as if she doesn't really care. Acts as if we're not important.
Today she went berserk. Totally violent. Over a very small matter. She went screaming and shouting, my mom thought something VERY BIG had happen (like an accident or what). I mean, you don't need to be that rude to me over something so trival. Say it nicely and i'll do so. I know i'm childish. I will not go into details of this matter since somebody is uncomfortable with it.
Maybe i'm a sucky sister, a sucky older sister. Maybe i shouldn't even care about her. I hate it when i am nice and i don't get the feeling that i'm being appreciated. I know i shouldn't be so 计较 about such stuffs.
Just that being stuck in the house with my mom and my sister has made me realised a lot of things. That is, my sister, all she needs is her computer to be happy, same as my dajie. All she does and love, is to watch her dramas. Tonnes of it. Or watch her tv show, hosted by her idol. Being alone with her at home while my mom is at work makes me feel that i am alone at home. I have nobody to talk to at home, even though she is around. It seems that those are the only things she's interested in. She does not respect me, at least that's what i feel most of the time. The fact that i respect her but she doesn't makes me sad.
Maybe this is stupid. My sister can be nice. She can be fun and all. But that is something that doesn't happen everyday. I feel as though i'm the youngest, and she is older than me. I feel that she is treating me that way. Is it she or is it that i'm just too dumb to be older than her? Maybe i just like to be a little kid that gets loved, hugs and kisses by my family, maybe thats why. But without these, life would be meaningless.
I shouldn't be complaining since i already have a wonderful and warm family. But i can't help but be greedy.
always a twemasekian `10:08:00 pm
